Mathematical Femme Fatale

Growing up, I saw myself as a tortured writer. As editor of my high school literary magazine, I proudly published my own bad poetry. I took Creative Writing in college and secured star pupil status with a daring piece about a cross-dresser who wore a pregnant suit. I also wrote a praiseworthy poem in which I was a hermit crab who had outgrown my shell and was forced to crawl around naked and vulnerable until I found one with a better fit – what a remarkably clever metaphor for relationships!

Given my obvious writing talent, you are probably wondering, “Why in the world did she major in math instead of sharing her literary gift with the world?”

Well, it wasn’t a completely random decision. I had my reasons. Here they are, in no particular order:

1.) Defying gender stereotypes is fun!

Yes, I am a woman and a natural blonde. I’m also good at math. I have excellent visual-spatial skills. I prefer beer over cocktails and wine. I don’t dance. I hate shopping. I refuse to wear uncomfortable shoes. I’m cheap. I’m punctual. (Of course, I also love make-up and occasionally cry for no reason – I like to keep people guessing.)

2.) Fear of stupid people

If, for some reason, poems about hermit crabs didn’t lead to a financial windfall, I was terrified I would remain in the service industry and be subjected to stupid people for the rest of my life. At least number-crunching came with a computer monitor to hide behind.

3.) The comedic value

My liberal arts friends found it hysterical that I would willingly major in math. They would all gather around, beers in hand, to laugh over my latest issue of Math Horizons magazine. My roommate begged me to smuggle her into one of my advanced math lectures so that she could observe the nerds up close in their natural environment. I did, and it was the highlight of her year.

4.) I knew geeks were cool before they were cool

Deep down, I always knew I wanted to marry a geek. I would never have accomplished this goal had I not possessed the math and computer skills necessary to impress one.


Tip of the Day: Geeks prefer to date their own kind, so if you are ever attempting to seduce one, don't be afraid to fly your geek flag.

Bottom line: It was a rational decision. But why didn’t someone tell me math is so boring? Wait, allow me to rephrase. My actual jobs have involved a lot of boring, repetitive math and very little of the fun complicated kind. Then again, most jobs are boring and repetitive. I'm so glad I don't have one.